


Expectations

by Asparkofh



Category: Deltarune (Video Game)
Genre: Gen, I wrote this at one am after finishing the game, Kris before canon and then canon, Kris feelings and thoughts, i love Kris, this is kinda a mess, this is kinda self indulgent
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-11-05
Updated: 2018-11-05
Packaged: 2019-08-18 20:38:13
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,253
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16524227
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Asparkofh/pseuds/Asparkofh
Summary: Kris wonders where it all went wrong. Where the pathetic tries to fit in became pathetic attempts to be what they all expected.





	Expectations

Kris wonders where it all went wrong. Where the pathetic tries to fit in became pathetic attempts to be what they expected. Because they all have expectations and somewhere along the line Kris realized that acting like they imagined they would is so much easier.  
So they hide under Romelle's bed. It's because Romelle asked if a human ever would the week before, and sure Kris can do that. They could even cover themselves in ketchup that never seemed to leave their hair and ruined their favorite sweater. Romelle told them about a dream she had had about a human doing that. 

 

When the pastor asks if they dislike the church because humans often did, they stop going. It's easier, gives them a few hours alone in the house, and it's what's expected of them. 

 

Humans skips school. They can't remember where they heard that one, not after a couple of months of skipping. The principal sighs a lot. Toriel is oh so disappointed and Asriel sounds concerned and they are barely allowed to talk to Asgore anymore because of reasons they are too young to understand. 

 

It settles after awhile and soon no one seems to expect anything else than their default behavior. The fact that they all created it doesn't seem to ever cross their minds. 

 

They find themselves in the woods a lot, when they are really supposed to be in school. The suppose's and should's and expectation's has all melted together by now and they can't differentiate them anymore. What's the difference between a aren't you going to and a you weren't supposed to do that.  
The woods are quiet and empty and Kris envies that. They turn quieter and Asriel occupies the room most days. Tells Kris that he needs peace and quiet to study. Asriel is going to get away, is going to go places.  
They learn to be quiet, quiet like the forest. They learn how to get distracted by the way the sun hits the walls, learns how to stare at the wall and make the time pass without ever noticing. 

 

Then Asriel moves away. He is truly getting away one autumn morning. The room is cleaned and the bags are in the car and Asriel is smiling. He is getting away, going to become something. Nobody ever says that about Kris. 

 

The house is empty. Toriel works a lot, stays behind at school for reasons that no one even bother to tell them their are too young to understand. They don't talk much these days.  
In the car to school every morning, Toriel tells them that it's a nice day. It's the same phrase as she tells them when they wake up and they should tell Toriel that they're getting tired of it. Expect that they don't know if this is the right type of should. Maybe it's a wrong one, a one that will make the principal sigh and Asriel worried and Toriel oh so disappointed. They don't say anything to Toriel either, when she brings them breakfast to eat in the car because they are late once again. No matter how many times they say they can just walk to school after Toriel leaves, Toriel never lets them. Maybe she thinks they will actually show up to class one day if she just keeps trying. They think maybe that's one of the should's they actually should do. 

 

The thought of going back to class doesn't fill them with the same heaviness because of the expectations anymore. The expectations are so messy they can't make them out anymore, so it doesn't matter that they're there. They don't go back to class, but they go to the library a few times. Asriel got away so many they can too. Expect that nothing makes sense anymore, most likely coming from the fact that they've been skipping so much.  
They think about going back to school. About walking through the corridor and sitting in the classroom and then it feels so overwhelming they can't seem to take another step. 

 

Sometimes Toriel looks at them and that is so much worse than going to school. Toriel looks at them like she can see right through them, as if she can see the horrible mess they are inside.  
It's loud. That's the first time in a long time the environment around them are so loud that there's no need to them to say anything. So they're quiet even when asked something. Why speak, why add to the sound in the room when there's no need to? Everyone else seems to be making sounds fine without them. The thought that they have to, that they should also make noise makes them feel sick. Quiet is good. Quiet is better than the constant drum in their head when they're around people. Everything is a blur and they can't stand how in focus they seem to be, even if they know it's only in their head. 

 

Quiet is good. Quiet is safe. Until Susie slam them into the lockers and tells them how she hated quiet people. They wonder for a moment if this is it, if this is the moment the consequences of all that time existing in a bubble will come back and hit them. Maybe not hit them, but definitely bite their face off. In the whole scheme of things it doesn't seem like such a bad way to go. They know it could be worse. 

 

They don't deserve Toriel, is what Susie tell them as she lets them go. The floor is cold and they're pretty sure they but their lip. They know that they want to answer, but the thought of adding noise to the room makes them sick. Toriel who looks at them like she can see through them, who makes them pie and still insist on driving them to school. 

 

The closet is quiet and for some reason that doesn't make them feel safe. When they start falling they simply think it's their mind playing tricks, but then Susie yells and they're both falling and it's suddenly real and and. 

 

They land on the ground. They're a lot less hurt then they should be so standing up doesn't hurt much. They wonder briefly if it's so dark that they can't see or if they're dizzy. No matter how much they rub their eyes the darkness stays. 

 

It's a quiet walk until they once again run into Susie. The quiet had never felt so heavy before and hearing a voice, a sound, wasn't as bad as it normal was. 

 

Ralsei. They can not wrap their mind around his very existence, but for some reason that feels alright. Ralsei smiles and his eyes becomes smaller and his fangs gets higher on his face.  
The whole hero thing makes less sense than Ralsei, but acting towards the dummy is fun and east is Toriel and Asriel and Asgore so they'll act along. The fact that it also happen to make Ralsei smile is just a bonus. The over complicated, at least they hope it's over complicated, manual Ralsei hands them is written in cursive handwriting. It's feels like a gift that they don't deserve so they make sure to handle it carefully. 

 

The run in with Lancer feels like one of those old movies Asriel likes to marathon around holidays. It's stupid and cheesy and oh so endearing. It's difficult not to think of Asriel. It's difficult not to think that this is a movie. The armor that they're wearing now makes noise and fits too well to be a stage prop. 

 

The sound of Ralsei's voice is nice. It isn't pleasant or smooth, or so unique it's interesting. It's simply nice. It's nice in the same way Ralsei is nice. In the way that Ralsei believes so blindly in Susie, in the way Ralsei is so blindly hopeful and positive and genuinely innocent. Innocent may not be the right word because Kris isn't good with the right words. Ralsei has been alone, in a way that they never could have been. The world hasn't allowed them to be as alone as Ralsei has been and for once, they're grateful. So Ralsei isn't innocent, but he's simply nice. Nice isn't a compliment, or at least has never been before, but when they think it about Ralsei it is. Nice suddenly is the most pure compliment they have ever thought about someone else. 

 

Ralsei is nice, almost like Toriel is nice. If the experience is removed of course, at the core they're both nice. They both care about them and they can't see why. Ralsei even offers to bake them a cake when this is all over. 

 

Susie going over to the dark side, the wrong side maybe, feels more like a betrayal than it should. Shouldn't Susie also want to go home? Then again Kris has never been good with should. So they doesn't say anything as Ralsei goes on about how this is a good thing. Maybe it is. Maybe it isn't. They find themselves wishing that it is, so that Ralsei will never get the experience Toriel has. 

 

The fun gang sounds like something Asriel would love. Something that Toriel would keep saying over and over again with that smile. Something that Asgore would chuckle over. Kris isn't sure if they're allowed to like it as much as they do. It's dorky and it's a little too literal. It's also theirs, all four of them. It's safe in a way they can't experienced before and this is a good experience. Something for a future scrap book they will never make, but always plan to. 

 

Lancer runs and Susie is upset. They're not allowed to be upset now, they know as much. Ralsei is still optimistic and it's oh so nice. They run too. 

 

The prison is cold and empty and the silence feels overwhelming for the first time. Ralsei is still nice, but now the added experience makes even him a little heavier. Maybe it's a good thing. They hope it's a good thing.  
When Susie says that she sweet talked the guard and Ralsei doesn't know what that means, the world feels better. Even though they're inside a prison it feels like everything is going to be alright. Maybe Ralsei's niceness is rubbing off on them. The thought makes them smile and Ralsei asks what they're smiling about. They hope their excuse is solid enough. 

 

Fighting Lancer's dad feels like quicksand. The more they struggle the deeper they're stuck. That could be used to describe this entire thing. Journey. Ralsei would call is an adventure, but they're not sure that's the right word for them. 

 

For the first ever Kris wants to be more than they're expected to be. They want to be a better friend than Susie wants them to be, wants to be a better teammate than Lancer has ever thought could exist, wants to be a better hero than Ralsei could ever imagine. They're on the ground and being called leader and maybe this is happening because of Ralsei's lack of experience, but they can't blame Ralsei for that. Ralsei is nice and they're more than the expectations. They try to stand up because they need to act. Even if decisions doesn't matter, maybe this one does. 

 

Susie protects them and then it's like all the puzzle pieces falls together. They would probably lose a few pieces along the way, would be forced to make new ones out of old woods and paint them. It would never be the same, the prices would look slightly out of place, but it's enough. It's better than any expectation. It's alright. 

 

The army that Lancer somehow convinced looks a little strange from the floor. Even from the floor they're enough and then the boss battle is over. They stand up and the fun gang stand next to them and Lancer is being carried somewhere. In that moment home has never felt so not like home. 

 

Saying goodbye has never been their strong point. The completely skipped the one with Asriel and the one with Asgore was more of an awkward wave than a goodbye. Ralsei gets a hug as a goodbye. It feels fitting with how they hugged him instead of the dummy in the beginning. Even when Ralsei tells them that they could probably come back, the probably echoes in their mind and it hurts. It shouldn't, but Kris has never been good with should. 

 

The closet is warmer than it was when they entered it and the fear that it was all a dream slips into their brain. It settles like poison, like silence.  
Susie more or less stumbles into them. It causes them to slam into the door. Susie remembers it too and then it's actually real. The fact that Ralsei exists and they're not going insane. 

 

Susie lays a hand on their shoulder and now they're not worried about any consequences hitting them in the face.  
The promise about going back tomorrow, because it's a promise, makes them smile. They promise it back and making a noise doesn't make them feel sick anymore. It's strange, but it's nice. Not in the way that Ralsei is nice, but in a way that they can be nice. 

 

Toriel is so happy about the fact that they made a friend. The truth is too complicated and too much so maybe that they made a friend is enough for now. It sure feels enough.

**Author's Note:**

> Hello!  
> So I love and adore this game. Kris and Lancer are my absolute favorite, and feel free to tell me yours!  
> This is very self indulgent, but I love the fact that Kris wasn't the nicest person (or at least the implications that they weren't).  
> I'm always happy to get feedback,  
> Asparkofh


End file.
